


This Doesn't Come Naturally

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Series: The Long Distance Problem [8]
Category: Youtube - RPF
Genre: Angst, Christmas traditions, Gift Giving, I've always wanted one, M/M, Morning Sex, and i don't know if england even does zoo lights, attempt at writing a sex scene, brighten doesn't have an actual fucking zoo????, christmas tropes, cute gifts, emotion, felix is the best, felix wants a tradition, guess who from????, happy christmas yall, hentai books, i'm predictable as hell, jack is also the best, jack struggles to cook, like coffee able books, salmon is hard to burn, self deprecation, shy felix, y'all empty on the inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 05:51:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13117380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: Jack and Felix make a Christmas tradition of their own.





	This Doesn't Come Naturally

**Author's Note:**

> eyyyyy i actually wrote a christmas thing that wasn't legitimate fucking murder like last year
> 
> happy christmas y'all hope it's better than mine and don't forget to kiss people under mistletoe no matter how fast they run (I'm kidding please take no as a no don't be like me where i kissed a dude on the cheek in like kindergarten cause we were under the mistletoe and our teachers were like "do it do it do it" and he started crying)

Lying across the billowing duvet, pale and spread out like an artwork on display. Relaxed and breathless, shuddering with every lazy thrust. Eyes shut, legs spread, boneless and pliant. This was Jack’s favorite way to see Felix. He loved doing this first thing in the morning, when the light was just the barest slivers of gold through the blinds, and the room was cold save for their bed. He loved when Felix was too tired to do much but lie there and let Jack do everything in his power to bring Felix to the height of pleasure and send him crashing over into even more drowsy bliss. 

Seeing Felix like this, relaxed, lethargic, not a worry line in his face. This was the best look for him. Jack was addicted to every breathy sigh that slipped out from between his pink lips, in love with every high pitched moan that Felix normally wouldn’t let Jack hear out of embarrassment. He loved the way Felix’s body opened up for him so willingly, so trusting. 

Jack loved holding onto Felix’s hips, wrapping the Swede’s legs around his waist, pushing inside him as slowly as he could manage without cumming too quickly. He loved looking at the indents his thumbs made in that pale, milky skin. He loved pushing Felix’s legs as wide apart as he could, because he knew Felix loved the feeling of being spread, even if he’d never admit it. 

Jack took his time during these rare mornings, drawing out every lazy thrust and watching Felix more than he normally would have. Felix hated being stared at, hating feeling like he was being judged, but when he was like this? Half asleep and hazy with the pleasure? He never fought the spread of his legs, never denied Jack his moments of quiet appreciation. Maybe he’d cover his eyes out of latent embarrassment, but that would be it. Jack could loom above him, all-powerful and as threatening as a kitten, and stare at his boyfriend, take in every inch of arresting skin.

Felix would lie across the white duvet and let Jack have his way with him, soaking in the attention and pleasure like a desert sand drew in water. Felix never got the amount of attention Jack wanted to give him because there just wasn’t enough time in the day for Jack to fit in all the subtle touches, all the sidelong glances, all the gentle words and whispered affections, and there definitely wasn’t enough time in the day to fit how many times Jack wanted to either hug the life out of Felix, or kiss him breathless. These mornings were the closest Jack ever got to the focused, concentrated engrossment Jack wanted to give Felix. He would always make sure these moments were memorable. 

Felix would be different after these mornings. He would smile more and breath a little easier. He’d be a little more slow in his movements and words for the rest of the day. He’d lean into Jack more and kiss him a little longer. These moments always seemed to give Felix better days, and Jack wished he could spend every morning of his life like this, just to make sure that every day Felix had was the best. 

It was why Jack was here, right now, pushing Felix’s hips deeper into the bed, then pulling them up to get that perfect angle that would make Felix lose control of his body for a few, bare seconds. He’d writhe a little longer, shake a little harder. Getting that angle would coax the most beautiful noises from his boyfriend, and that’s why Jack endured the soreness in his arms that would follow for the rest of the day. 

What mattered was right here, right now, as Felix’s breath caught in his throat and his body tightened around Jack. A fumbled Swedish phrase slipped out , _“jag kommer, snälla,”_ strained at the edges with Felix’s slipping control. Then Felix’s body bent like a bow, his spine curving upwards to the ceiling. His eyes slid back and his mouth fell open in a long, silent moan as he came between their bodies. For a long moment, Felix remained like that, suspended on the brink and trembling through the pleasure. It was always the longest like this, early in the morning, when Felix had no control and was half asleep. And then every muscle in Felix’s body went slack and he dropped onto the bed, nearly unconscious. 

_“Herregud,”_ Felix breathed after Jack managed a few more careful thrusts to bring himself over just behind Felix. _“Fan. Vad fan.”_

“Good morning to you too,” Jack said with a cheeky grin, leaning over Felix’s strung out form to kiss the side of his mouth.

“I’m not awake, I’m dead.”

“Of course ye’ are,” Jack agreed easily. He held to Felix’s hips one last time for the morning to hold him still as he slipped out. Then he slapped Felix’s pale thigh, causing the Swede beneath him to groan a weak protest. “Don’t forget to shower,” he told Felix. “We’ve company soon.”

_“Fan.”_

Jack smirked and bounded out of bed, far more awake than Felix, and knowing it was his own fault. It was hard for Felix to wake up most days. Getting fucked like that first thing in the morning made it was much worse, like draining the strength out of Felix’s bones in the most satisfying way possible. “Merry Christmas, Felix,” he said with more cheerfulness than he’d normally use. “We’re officially on the naughty list.”

. . .

Christmas wasn’t really something that had a lot of structure in Jack’s life. Preparations were sometimes stressful, but he was a jolly guy and he loved the holiday season. Everyone seemed so much brighter and optimistic this time of the year. More willing to laugh at dumb jokes and more patient with the average person. Jack loved the positivity that came with the Christmas season and he loved the emphasis on companionship it brought. Spend the holidays with your loved ones, and nothing could go wrong. 

This was going to be his first official Christmas with Felix, and he’d done everything he could to make sure it was perfect. The tree was the first real tree he’d ever bought, and half of the ornaments were hand made just to give it that personal touch. Not well made, but his all the same. They were to have dinner with Brad and Emma and there were presents wrapped up under the tree for their friends. There was garland and lights strung around the house, hanging from their porch and the windows, wreaths on all the doors. They had the most festive house on the block and Jack had taken quite a few pictures to send to his parents and brother, beyond proud of himself.

Felix had stood outside with him once the lights had been finished, bringing Jack a warm mug of hot chocolate for his efforts. Felix hadn’t really cared about the lights, but he’d been able to appreciate the work all the same. And besides, it had always been a Christmas wish of Jack’s to kiss his lover in front of his own brightly lit home, where everyone could see, even if it was entirely too dangerous. His frozen fingertips had been an acceptable sacrifice for the feeling of Felix’s smile against his own. 

Their friends were to be over within the hour. PJ had stopped by briefly just before, trading presents with them before making the drive back to Peterborough to be with family. Jack had belatedly asked Felix if he regretted not being home for the holidays, back in Sweden, but Felix had just shrugged. _“Places have never really been home,”_ Felix had told him. _“It’s mostly the people.”_ If that had sent Jack into a gushing, swooning tirade of affection, it was just for him and Felix to know. 

Now Jack was making dinner, balancing his time between making sure he didn’t burn the roast beef, and making sure he didn’t boil the cinnamon carrots for too long. The raisin pudding was in the fridge, right? Wait, did he remember to buy both a red and a white wine? What if no one even drank the wine? Fuck, did he remember to bake the salmon? He was trying to incorporate some Swedish _Julbord_ elements just in case Felix had lied about missing Sweden for Christmas, but he was entirely useless when it came to seafood. 

There was a sudden hissing sound. Fuck, the carrots. Jack looked from the oven to the stovetop, fumbling with the pan lid to alleviate the pressure. A splash of boiling water nearly hit his hand and he flew back with a shriek. Then he smelled a rubbery sort of stench and realized that, yes, he did remember to bake the salmon, but he’d completely forgotten a timer. On the other side of the stove, the tea kettle started to scream. 

“Dude, you okay?”

Felix came back in from walking the pugs, hanging up his phone. He’d been talking to Mark, wishing him a happy holiday and the regular stuff you’d tell your friends. When he saw Jack, he instantly rushed into the kitchen, taking the lid from Jack, moving the overboiling pot off the hot spot, and whisking away the tea kettle in a fluid motion. He gently moved Jack back and opened up the oven, sliding out the pan of burnt salmon while using the sleeve of his sweater to protect his skin. Felix put the burnt dish next to the sink, then faced Jack with concern. “Dude?”

Jack was stricken with his failure. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Ruined your Swedish dinner.”

Felix looked confused until he looked back to the salmon. Then he started to laugh. “Seán, hey,” he said, putting an arm around Jack’s shoulder and kissing his cheek. “I’m happy to eat the same thing you guys do, you know that. Swedish tradition is way too pagan for you guys to really get behind, anyways. Don’t worry about the salmon, I’m excited to eat whatever you cook.”

“But I ruined it,” Jack pouted. 

“The only thing you ruined is that pan,” Felix told him. “Should’ve used tinfoil or something on it. I’m sure the beef is gonna be way better than the salmon, anyways.” 

He kissed Jack again. “Besides, tradition is…” He trailed off with a shrug. “I don’t know. It’s not like any of these traditions are us, you know? They’re all someone else. Not you and me.” Felix seemed a little saddened by the fact. There was a new heaviness to his expression that shouldn’t be there after the morning they’d had. “Those traditions are just filling someone else’s shoes. You don’t deserve to beat yourself up over not being good enough for something that doesn’t matter.”

Felix took in a shuddery breath and changed the subject before Jack could ask him what was wrong. “Why are you boiling the carrots? Shouldn’t they be roasted?”

Jack groaned. “You’re not supposed to know Christmas better than me.”

“What, I haven’t lived here long enough?” Felix grinned and tousled Jack’s hair. “Tell me what to do to help. Have you started the croissants yet? Or are you making rolls?” Felix looked back to his mess of a kitchen, surveying the damage. “Uh… rolls?”

“Throw me out back,” Jack lamented. “I’m garbage, Fe’.”

“Hush, hush,” Felix soothed. He kissed Jack one last time before pulling back and reaching into the linen closet for an apron Jack hadn’t known he owned. It was pink with “screw the food and screw the cook” written across the chest in white cursive. “Tell me what to do,” he repeated. “I’m your Christmas elf.”

Jack fell a little more in love and it hurt his chest. “Help me roast the carrots that’re left over,” he ordered, trying to keep from the emotion from altering his voice. “You’re my kitchen bitch.”

Felix laughed and shook his head. “I’m your kitchen bitch.”

. . .

“I hate you for getting this for me,” Brad said, holding up the Ahegao Collection book Felix had literally made for him. Felix had spent an entire day scouring the internet for the best examples of Ahegao and had turned all of them into a glossy, HD coffee table book, completely original, all for Brad. Felix cackled behind his mug of eggnog, deviously proud of himself. “The fuck is this, Felix. I can’t have this in public.”

“Dude, it’s not even your real gift,” Felix snickered. “I just felt bad only getting you a shitty watch.”

“Wow, spoiler alert,” Emma giggled. She reached under the tree and grabbed the smaller gift that had Brad’s name on it. Brad opened it to reveal, yes, a shiny, new, expensive watch. 

“I know you broke your last one—”

_“You broke my last one.”_

“—But I felt like only getting you a watch was too easy,” Felix continued, ignoring Brad’s truth. Felix had broken Brad’s watch. “You deserve a hentai book, Brad, I know it’s something you’ve always wanted and just been too scared to get for yourself. Here you are, Brad. It’s what you’ve been waiting for for so long.”

“Fuck you,” Brad said with a grin, clipping on the new watch. “How much did this fucking thing cost?”

“The book or the watch?” Jack asked with a snort. He knew the answer to both. Let it never be said that Felix didn’t forgo his usual stinginess with money when it came to his friends. “Ye’ don’t wanna know.”

“Makes me excited to see what he got you,” Emma said, still marveling over her assortment of cosmetics Felix had painstakingly picked out for her. He’d spent another day going through countless reviews of products. “Open yours next, Seán!”

Jack did as requested, sorting out his gift. He’d seen Felix set it under the tree, but knew nothing about what it could be. The gift was a cardboard box wrapped in red paper. After tearing away at the paper, Jack gingerly opened the box, careful of whatever could be inside. 

His jaw fell open in quiet shock as he pulled out a small crocheted plush of himself and Felix holding hands. The entire thing was about the size of his palm. You could take off individual clothes and Jack still had his green hair, so this had to have been commissioned by Felix, and probably some time ago. Jack’s heart melted and he cradled the joined dolls to his chest, looking to Felix with devotion. “You’re the fucking best, Felix,” he insisted. “Seriously. Oh my god. I fucking love you.”

Felix was flushed from his neck to his ears, but also pleased. “Shut up,” he said, unable to say anything in the face of his embarrassment. Jack just giggled a placed a loving kiss to the face of doll-Felix. He was going to put this in his recording room. They’d sit next to Spiderman on his monitor. 

“I really do love it,” he told Felix again, having to make sure he understood. Both he and Felix could buy just about anything they could ever want. The gifts that had thought in them rather than monetary cost meant more. “If I hadn’t already fucked your brains out today, I’d definitely be doing it now, on the couch for everyone t’ see.”

As Brad and Emma both wailed protests about PDA and TMI, Felix flushed even deeper and whispered a promised “later,” just loud enough for Jack to hear.

. . .

“Two hours into London for this shit?” Brad asked from the drivers seat. He was holding hands with Emma across the dash. “Felix, what even is this?”

“Shut up, it’s cool,” Felix replied, looking at directions on his phone. “None of us have ever been. I thought it would be, like, a cool thing to start doing every year. A new tradition or whatever. We’ve never had a tradition before.”

“Maybe you haven’t, but I definitely have.” Brad just didn’t like driving. He was putting on a show for shit. “This is stupid. It’s two fucking hours, Felix. No one even goes to zoos anymore! Now we’re going to one and we won’t even see any fucking animals? Fucking dumb.”

Felix bit his lip, looking up for a moment. There was a heavy atmosphere in the car. “We can turn around if you want.”

“No,” Jack instantly denied, hating the vulnerability he heard in Felix’s voice. Jack was reminded of what Felix had said in the kitchen about the traditions of others. He knew Brad was just being a shit head and wouldn’t have turned around either. “If ye’ want a tradition, we’ll do it. Who knows. Maybe we’ll make it a dinner road trip thing too.” Jack reached across the seat to put a hand on Felix’s thigh. “I can always learn to drive.”

Felix grinned at him. Then he looked ahead again.”Brad, take a right.”

“Sure thing, Felix,” Brad said, his voice a little softer. The closest thing Felix would get to an apology from Brad would be Brad’s sudden halt to his complaints. 

. . .

The lights were unlike anything Jack had seen. Most houses decorated for Christmas were in neighborhoods and places with tons of kids. Jack had seen his fair share of light displays, but never anything this organized and this over the top. 

The trees were wrapped in lights from head to two, some of them growing three stories high. There were animals made out of lights set up along the paths, arranged like stop motion, flashing through segments that simulated running. There was cocoa and coffee on sale at little stops around the zoo, and there was a slid near the end the giraffe habitat, one of those tall, metal things that had you get in a thatch sack to slide down. In the center was an orb the height of three people that had LED lights matching up to a song that played every thirty minutes in an impressive light show. 

Jack was in love with all of it. He was so happy Felix had suggested it.

“Here.”

Jack looked down from the LED lights that were hanging overhead like snow to see Felix handing him a mug of something warm. He took it with a grateful nod and took a sip. The cocoa was fantastic, with the tiniest hint of peppermint to make it something truly unique. It slid down his throat and warmed his bones. Felix stood behind him and warmed his heart. Jack got a little cheesy around the holidays. “This is lovely, Fe’,” he told his boyfriend. “I’m glad ye’ brought us here.”

Felix shrugged. “Brad and Emma are off making out somewhere, so I guess they don’t mind it much either.”

“He was just being a prick in the car, Fe’, t’ain’t nothing.”

Felix nodded. He looked up at the ceiling with Jack. “Out of everything in this zoo, all of the lights and shit, this is the one that catches your attention. Some lights above your head. They’re hardly a display.”

“They remind me of stars,” Jack said in a hushed tone. “Stars above me, showing depth I’ve never known. Like being in space.” Jack took another sip of his drink, then turned to Felix. “Hey, Fe’?”

Felix looked to him, his expression pretty neutral.

“Why was making this a tradition so important to ye’?”

Felix looked away. He was looking at the floor, rather than overhead. Jack couldn’t understand why. The floor was wet and dreary with the cold and water and were not nearly as interesting or uplifting as the lights above their heads. Jack gave him another moment, but Felix still wasn’t talking.

“Fe’?” he prodded gently. “Is it really that bad?”

“This is our first Christmas, y’know,” Felix murmured, still looking at the damn floor. “Our first one together. And you made it so fucking amazing right off the bat, with… in, in bed.” He flushed when he said it, but he wasn’t smiling. “You made it feel like some sort of gift, and you are, Seán. Having you here, with me? It’s more than I could have ever asked for. You’re supposed to spend this holiday with the people who mean everything to you and I never, ever thought you’d love me long enough to be here for our first Christmas together.

“But it’s more than that,” Felix continued before Jack could interrupt and chide him for even suggesting such a thing. Jack would always love Felix, it was written in the fake stars above their heads, get it right, Felix. “It’s you and me, for the first time ever, too. Like the first time we kissed or the first time I touched you for not-friendly reasons, or the first time we woke up in our home together, in _our_ bed. It’s the first time we’ve spent Christmas together and it has to be important, it has to be as special as you are to me. And I…” 

Felix shook his head. “Everyone else’s traditions aren’t good enough, okay? Cause they’re all someone else. Some random jackass decided what we have to eat. Some asshole out there decided what we can and cannot do on Christmas. It felt like someone else was always dictating the way I celebrate, and I never fought it, cause I never cared enough to make it my own thing. I’m not religious, I’m not spiritual, I’m not anything. I just shelved out presents and hoped that they were good enough to make up for having to put up with me.”

“Felix, no,” Jack interjected quickly, unable to let that slide by. “You’re so much more than that.” He knew Felix was, but words failed him. To think that after all this time, Felix still thought so little of himself. It tore into Jack like a knife. He reached out and took Felix’s gloved hand. Jack pulled the glove off, letting it fall uselessly to the damp ground so he could hold Felix’s bare hand, skin on skin. “I love you. I don’t put up with ye’, I’m lucky enough to have you in my life. You’re a literal dream, Felix. I-I never thought I’d have you. God knows I’ll never let ye’ go.”

Felix didn’t say anything.

“Ye’ have to know that, Fe’,” Jack pleaded. “Ye’ have to believe me.”

“I do,” Felix told him. “It’s just— it’s harder, some days.”

“That’s okay. Just let me know when it is those days so I can show ye’ all the cheesy, stupid love I can.” He smiled sadly. “God knows you deserve it. And more.”

Felix nodded shakily. “Anyways, uh. I-I just wanted us to have a tradition. Something that’s you and me and your friends and no one else. I mean, maybe other people do the same thing, but they’re not the ones leading us along. This was our idea, you know? Our thing. No parent or TV producer or religious figurehead told us to do this. We just did it cause we wanted to, even if…” He sighed. “Well, I guess that’s not the case. I kinda dragged you guys.”

“That ain’t it, Fe’,” Jack said, squeezing his hand again. “Brad was being a prick, but that’s just cause Brad _is_ a prick. Emma wanted to come, you heard how excited she was to see the lights. And I wanted t’ come cause I knew ye’ wanted to do this a lot more than you were letting on. It is our thing and ye’ didn’t drag us. If ye’ want this tone a tradition for you and me and whoever else, I will happily and wholeheartedly drive ye’ out here every year for the rest of yer long, natural life.”

Jack brought Felix’s hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles, an even rarer display of affection than they’d normally risk. Holding hands in the dark was one thing, but anything beyond that was too much of a gamble. Things like this drew unwanted attention, but Jack never minded the risk when Felix needed it. 

“I love you,” Jack told him firmly. “I don’t need yer gifts to buy my patience. You put up with me and my shitty habits more than I put up with yours. This is our tradition, something that makes us, us, and I wouldn’t trade these moments between you and me for anything else in the world, yeah? And I’m prepared to spend the rest of me life making you believe all of that.”

Felix blinked rapidly, finally looking up from the floor to Jack. “You sure you’re not tired of me yet?”

“Are ye’ kidding me?” Jack asked with a snort and a shake of his head. “First off, the sex is, like, _way_ too good. And secondly, I feel like Mark would cross the world to beat me over the head if I ever got dumb enough t’ even think about leaving ye’. Lastly, we’re totally soulmates. Ain’t nothing taking me away.”

Jack squeezed Felix’s hand one last time before letting go. Behind them, the light show started, all of the other zoo-goers turned to watch, entranced by the lights and music. “Let’s go find Emma and Brad.” 

He turned to head into the crowd when a hand on his elbow stopped him. Felix pulled him back around and leaned down, pressing their lips together before Jack could stop him. Jack felt like someone put the world on hold in that moment for the two of them. The fake stars glowed like a heavenly light above their heads, and they backlit Felix like the hero he was to Jack. Jack tilted his head back, deepening the kiss, threading the fingers of his free hand in the front of Felix’s jacket. A surge of affection rolled through him, overwhelming his thoughts. 

Felix kissed him like he needed to take the warmth from Jack’s body for his own. He pressed into every cell of Jack’s being, overpowering all other sensation except for the feeling of Felix’s body and skin and lips. Jack’s knees felt weak. His lungs trembled. When Felix finally pulled away, Jack realized he had his left foot lifted up, suspended in the air like the movies. 

“Holy fuck,” he breathed when the kiss ended. “How are you so good at that?”

“Guess I learned a thing or two from you,” Felix murmured, his voice low and intimate. “I love you, Seán. Merry Christmas.”

Jack grinned blindingly bright up at Felix. “Merry Christmas, you lovable fuck.”


End file.
